My soul magnifies the Lord...

Every year after Christmas Eve Mass in Ignatius Chapel at Loyola, I like to be the last one to leave, so that I can spend some time in quiet prayer, after "working" through Mass - preparing to play each song, listening for cues, then cleaning up after Mass and our pot luck.

Tonight as I sat there in the mostly darkness by myself, I realized just how happy I was.  More than happy - joyful (thanks Joe, Kurt, and everyone else who models joy as an expression of faith in my life).  I was so deeply joyful, in fact, that I didn't know what to do with it.  What does one do with a joy that makes you feel like bursting?  And then the answer came to me - burst!  Let it out, share it.  Write some music, work on a piano piece, write some poetry, or... blog about it!  So here it is.  Joy to the world, the Lord has come! Let earth receive her King!

Merry Christmas, and peace to all!

U2 song at Mass

So, sometimes I think what's in my head is perfectly clear to everyone else, but I was reminded today that that isn't always the case.

For the past couple of years, I have used "Mysterious Ways" by U2 at the Mass of the Holy Spirit here at Loyola, because I think it fits perfectly.  Below is my interpretation of the lyrics as they can be taken to be referring to the Holy Spirit. The original lyric is in normal type, and my interpretation is in italics:

Daughter take a walk with your sister the moon

Daughter (as in, the listener, or person attending Mass), take an opportunity to spend time with the Holy Spirit - the force that "hangs the moon in the sky", the force that creates and sustains all of nature.  The moon is a symbol of supernatural (i.e., spiritual) phenomena.  And the word and notion of "Spirit" in mystical traditions is almost universally female.

 
Let her pale light in to fill up your room

Let the mysterious (pale) light of wisdom "fill up" the "room" of your mind, heart, spirit.

 
You've been living underground
Eating from a can
You've been running away
From what you don't understand:
Love
You've been missing out on all the wonders that can be yours - living underground, in the dark, eating from a can instead of a rich meal.  You've been rejecting all the love that the Holy Spirit has to offer you because you don't understand what that love really is.

 
She's slippy 

The Holy Spirit can fit, "slip" into any part of your life, if you will let her.

 
You’re sliding down

Without the Holy Spirit, you descend down into the baser elements of human life.

 
She'll be there when you hit the ground

The Holy Spirit will always be there to comfort you in your darkest hours.

It's alright, it's alright, alright
She moves in mysterious ways 

Everything's going to be alright, even if you don't understand where God is in your life right now.  As the saying goes, "The Lord works in mysterious ways".  I would bet the lyricist had this in mind when he wrote the refrain.... Again, "she" can be a referral to the female character of the Spirit person of the Trinity.

 
It's alright, it's alright, alright
She moves in mysterious ways

Brother take a dive with your sister in the rain

Brother (sitting there), take a chance by spending time with your sister, the Spirit, in water that can be both uncomfortable and cleansing.  Perhaps referring to baptism.

 
Let her talk about the things you can't explain

which are...
To touch is to heal

Like when Jesus touched people to heal them.
To hurt is to steal

When you hurt someone, you steel their sense of safety, security, and trust in others.

 
If you wanna kiss the sky
Better learn how to kneel

If you want to live a life in communion with God, or close to heaven,

you have to learn to accept that your place in life is as a servant of God.
On your knees boy!

She's the way

As in, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life"
She turns the tide

"The last will be first, and the first shall be last"
She sees a man inside the child

She bestows infinite dignity on even the lowest, weakest members of the human race,

and she sees the potential for greatness in everyone.

One day you will look back
And you'll see
Where you were held
How? By this love

The love of God communicated through the Holy Spirit

 
While you could stand there
You could move on this moment
Follow this feeling 

You could just stand there and do nothing,

Or you could act on this moment in which you feel or have felt the love of God, and go out and spread this "feeling" of love to others.

(Since this song comes at the end of Mass, I use it to refer to the Eucharist and the presence of God within the community of Loyola that we have all just experienced).

It's alright, it's alright, alright
We move through miracle days

All our days are miracles if we can recognize God at work in them.

It's alright, it's alright, alright
Spirit moves in mysterious ways

(The Holy) Spirit moves in mysterious ways.

Lift my days, light up my nights.

Encourage me throughout my day, and be with me as a light in the darkness of my "night" moments: when I'm in doubt, or depressed, or anxious.

Straight up Gospel

Ok, so I haven't done this before, because I've been too afraid to, but it's time for me to start being a little more vocal about my faith, even though I am a constant failure at it and one of the most deeply, darkly and consistently sinful people I know. 

So today's gospel reading (for the Mass of the Day) is the one where Jesus sends his disciples off, and says something like, "Proclaim this message: the Kingdom of God is at hand.  Cure lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons, etc." (paraphrased, of course).  So I'm thinking, what if God is saying that to me (ok, yes, he's indeed saying that to all of us).  How do I do any or all of those things?  Then I think, wait, in my work in liturgy, that's exactly what I want to/try to do:

     Cure the sick - the sick at heart, the people who feel some kind of general, unnameable malaise when they come to Mass, or even when they simply think about faith or God or just life in general - good music and prayerful liturgy can help to cure that;
     Raise the dead: again, people whose spirits have been crushed, killed by the circumstances of their lives, or by their encounters with religion or the church - how can I raise their spirits from out of the depths?  How can I show them that faith and the love God has for them can bring them to life?
     Cleanse the lepers: basically, I take this to mean "restore the outcasts to society".  Of course - welcome each person individually into the community - the nerd, the guy who talks too much, the shy girl - whatever.  We're all lepers in one way or another.
      Drive out demons: the demons of self-doubt, the ones that keep us from enjoying life and the company of one another.  I am more than happy to play my part in driving those things out. 

So yeah, once again I'll say how much I love my job.  It's nice to get paid to do your best to fulfill your life's mission, no matter what that is.  Ok, there it is - my first straight up Gospel thoughts, out there on the eternal web of the internet.  God bless!

Feeling good

So here's my latest theory: there are two kinds of "feeling good". The first kind is feeling good while you do something pleasurable; the second is the good feeling you get after you've done something difficult, or not pleasurable.  I submit that the first one is more attractive, but the latter is more fulfilling.  Is this a basic quality of being a human being?  Is it a central reality of Christianity - or of any other suffering/redemption mythology?  Did I miss learning this til now?

The challenge, of course, is that we're not immediately attracted to doing difficult things (working on a project, staying faithful to a relationship) the way we are to doing pleasurable things (eating pizza, and of course the brass ring of sex, sex, sex).  Why is that?  Is my perspective flawed here, or is that really how we're made?  Hmm.  Thoughts?

Choices

Last weekend I was offered a choice as part of a retreat I was on.  I realized at a deeper level how much our life is really the sum of our choices.  For years now, I've been choosing to do some things pretty regularly: come home and watch tv, drink a beer (or two), talk to my buddy on the phone, go to bed.  And other things - like how I see my life and how I see other people: my job at Loyola is to love and serve people, my friends are there to help me get through life and I'm there to help them, basically I'm doing the best I can each day until I die.  Ok, there's nothing really wrong with that, but last weekend I experienced a deep "happiness" that's been missing.  I've been happy before - plenty happy, and at a pretty deep level.  But this was a kind of religious, spiritual, bottom of my soul "happy".  I've also felt that before, but much more rarely.  And I was reminded that it's this kind of happy that I want to feel more and more - more deeply and more often.  So the choice before me is which flame am I going to fan: the one that I've grown used to, which is secure, safe, somewhat happy, but kind of stagnant; or the one that gives me a kind of joy I can't get anywhere else, and that is more attractive than any other I've ever felt?  Seems pretty clear, but habits are hard to break.

James Joyce (without the art)

Blogging from my phone - not a good sign. Melissa - you rock, even though we haven't talked in 10 years. David Bowie, Cooter Brown', Patron, some new Abita. Latin Mass - what!? Here's to intellectual curiosity. Things that make me happy: Ryan Talbot overtired, Jimmy Elcock, Jordan, Joe, margaret and the whole crowd in the studio tonight. PBR (not the beer, the sport). Being employed. Loyola, Kurt. New Orleans. God loves so much. I'm in the mood for love. Love to all the students, friends. Peace.

Being Holy...

I'm not tired, even though it's 12:55am and SVU ended an hour ago, usually triggering my pre-bed ritual and leading to sleep by now.  So after drying some dishes and deciding not to wash the dirty ones, I am forced into a most unusual pastime - reading.

I have a magazine here whose topic in this issue is "the value of the priesthood and religious life."  I start reading, and halfway through the first article I stop because I'm feeling more and more conflicted.  The question arises inside me: how do I live a more and more explicit witness to my beliefs?  How do I let those around me know with more and more confidence that I am someone to be trusted with matters of deep concern, even (dare I say) "spirituality"?  In the past, the answer came: become a priest.  But now that looks less and less likely, which is ok.  But the desire to witness to that degree is still there.  As usual, I think the answer lies in the little things.  I'm trying to re-commit to a vegan diet during Lent (better for my health, the environment, not to mention those animals....  I think that's why I have more energy tonight!) ; even deciding to get back to this blog - maybe someone will read it and take something from it, just as I've taken so much from my friends' points of view (hey Joe - remember our Snake and Jake's conversation?  I've been asking myself ever since then, "what does the Divine within me say?".) 

Anyway, I think these things should be kept short, so there it is.  Let's pray for each other.  More on "prayer" later.

Peace.