Choices

Last weekend I was offered a choice as part of a retreat I was on.  I realized at a deeper level how much our life is really the sum of our choices.  For years now, I've been choosing to do some things pretty regularly: come home and watch tv, drink a beer (or two), talk to my buddy on the phone, go to bed.  And other things - like how I see my life and how I see other people: my job at Loyola is to love and serve people, my friends are there to help me get through life and I'm there to help them, basically I'm doing the best I can each day until I die.  Ok, there's nothing really wrong with that, but last weekend I experienced a deep "happiness" that's been missing.  I've been happy before - plenty happy, and at a pretty deep level.  But this was a kind of religious, spiritual, bottom of my soul "happy".  I've also felt that before, but much more rarely.  And I was reminded that it's this kind of happy that I want to feel more and more - more deeply and more often.  So the choice before me is which flame am I going to fan: the one that I've grown used to, which is secure, safe, somewhat happy, but kind of stagnant; or the one that gives me a kind of joy I can't get anywhere else, and that is more attractive than any other I've ever felt?  Seems pretty clear, but habits are hard to break.